Lutheran Humor is back!

I haven’t done any Lutheran humor in a while, and I found this little ditty about Martin Luther.  It makes me think about those first readers that I read after I learned my first words, where the sentences build on the first words you learn.  But beware of the puns.

A Lutheran Primer

by Les “Gutenberg” Stahlke
In the Lutheran Comedy Classic: “Martin Luther’s Last Surviving Classmate”

Look!
Look and see!
See Luther run!
Run, Luther, run!
Luther ran!
Oh, oh!
It is raining!
It is pouring!
See the lightning!
Hear the thunder!
See Luther get scared!
See Luther hide under that big tree!
See Luther pray to St. Anne.
“If you save me,” prayed Luther, “I will become a monk, okay?”
“That’s okay with me,” said St. Anne, “but if you don’t get out from under
that tree, you will be a friar!”

Oh, oh!
See the lightning hit the tree!
See the tree get rent asunder!
“Ach! Yammer!” said Luther.
See Luther clearly define Law and Gospel.
See Luther go to a monastery.
See Luther learn that indulgences are wrong.
“Wholly unnecessary, Batman,” said Luther.
See Luther write 95 Theses.
See Luther nail the Theses to the church door.
See Luther bang his hammer.
Bang your hammer, Luther, bang your hammer.
See Luther bang the wrong nail. “Uff dah!” said Luther.

Oh, oh!
Now the Pope is mad.
See the Pope send Luther an angry letter.
It is a Papal Bull.
“That is a lot of bull,” said Luther.
See Luther barbecue the Pope’s Bull.
“You burned my Bull,” said the Pope.
Now you will have to go to a Diet of Worms.
(A Diet is a long synodical convention with no meals.)

Oh, oh!
See King Charles tell Luther to shut up.
“I can’t,” said Luther.
“Then recant,” said King Charles.
“I can’t recant,” said Luther.
“Then go start the Missouri Synod!” said King Charles.
“Oh, goody,” said Luther, “now I can get married.”
See Luther look for a wife.
See Luther find nun.
See Luther and Kitty get married.
See Kitty get morning sickness.
“What does this mean?” said Luther.
“We shall have a little Lutheran soon,” said Kitty.
“Is this true,” said Luther, “or are you just ribbing me?”
Kitty said, “This is most certainly true.”

A little “light” reading :)

Given the reading habits of some, I had to laugh at the following news story.

“TOKYO — In a country where ghosts are traditionally believed to hide in the loo, a Japanese company is advertising a new literary experience — a horror story printed on toilet paper.

Each roll carries several copies of a new nine-chapter novella written by Koji Suzuki, the Japanese author of the horror story “Ring,” which has been made into movies in both Japan and Hollywood.

“Drop,” set in a public restroom, takes up about three feet (90 centimeters) of a roll and can be read in just a few minutes, according to the manufacturer, Hayashi Paper.

The company promotes the toilet paper, which will sell for 210 yen ($2.20) a roll, as “a horror experience in the toilet.”

Toilets in Japan were traditionally tucked away in a dark corner of the house due to religious beliefs. Parents would tease children that a hairy hand might pull them down into the dark pool below.”

Hysterical.  This is the best idea I’ve heard in ages.  Just think about how we could get our kids to read the classics. 

 ” “The Complete Works of Jane Austen” sold on one ply in a multi-pack at your local Walmart.”  I love it.

July 8, 2009 (07/08/09)

At five minutes and six seconds after 4 AM on the 8th of JULY this year, the time and date will be 04:05:06 07/08/09. This will never happen again !!!

(unless you use the European way of using the calendar, then it will happen again on August 7th- 07th day of the 08th month!)

Still awake

It’s now 1:03 am on Wednesday and Alec Baldwin was pretty funny on Letterman.  Due to sheer laziness, I’m now on to watching Craig Ferguson.  No one interesting as his guests, but at least he’s darned funny.

“Danny Boy”

I’ve been listening to a lot of Celtic music lately (especially Celtic Thunder.)  I mean 5 hot guys singing gorgeous music- what more could you want?  So I was browsing the Myspace page of one of the Celtic Thunder guys (Paul Byrom) and he had the YouTube video of the Muppets singing “Danny Boy” on his site.  We’ve all heard “Danny Boy” over the years, but after hearing the Muppet version, I will never hear the song in the same way again.  So as a courtesy to you I have the Celtic Thunder version and the Muppet version. ENJOY!

Celtic Thunder 2008

Muppets

 

Dictionary.com to the rescue

My cousin Staci and I are always teasing each other about our love of books, reading and the obscure.  So here’s a fact dear cousin.  A note on the word Appendix (as in the body part which I still have and is working fine, thank you!)  I looked it up at dictionary.com and it says that you can use the word appendices as the plural for the word appendix, although it is used mostly in academic settings for the things that are found at the back of books.  Isn’t this interesting?

Here’s the direct quote:

ap⋅pen⋅dix

  /əˈpɛndɪks

Spelled Pronunciation [uh-pen-diks]

–noun, plural -dix⋅es, -di⋅ces 

 Spelled Pronunciation [-duh-seez]

1.   supplementary material at the end of a book, article, document, or other text, usually of an explanatory, statistical, or bibliographic nature.

2.   an appendage.

3.   Aeronautics. the short tube at the bottom of a balloon bag, by which the intake and release of buoyant gas is controlled.

4.   Anatomy.

a.   a process or projection.

b.   Vermiform Appendix

 

Origin:
1535–45; < L: appendage, equiv. to append(ere) to APPEND+ -ix (equiv. to -ic- n. suffix + -snom. sing. ending)

 

Synonyms:
1. addendum, adjunct. Appendix, supplement both mean material added at the end of a book. An appendix gives useful additional information, but even without it the rest of the book is complete: In the appendix are forty detailed charts. A supplement, bound in the book or published separately, is given for comparison, as an enhancement, to provide corrections, to present later information, and the like: A yearly supplement is issued.

Usage note:
Appendices, a plural borrowed directly from Latin, is sometimes used, especially in scholarly writing, to refer to supplementary material at the end of a book.

Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009.

 

So there, and yes, in case you were wondering many of my family members have had their appendices out.  :p

A Wisconsin Joke…

This was a forward to me, and I laughed very hard at the truthfulness of it.  Go Cheeseheads!

COLD IS A RELATIVE THING. . . . . . .

65 above zero:

Floridians turn on the heat

People in Wisconsin plant gardens.

 60 above zero:
 Californians shiver uncontrollably.
 People in Wisconsin sunbathe.

 50 above zero:
 Italian & English cars won’t start.
 People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down.

 40 above zero:
 Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
 People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.

 35 above zero:
 New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
 People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold.

 20 above Zero
 People in Miami all die.
 Wisconsinites close the windows.

 Zero:
 Californians fly away to Mexico .
 People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats.

 10 below zero:
 Hollywood disintegrates.
 The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door.

 20 below zero:
 Washington DC runs out of hot air.
 People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors.

 30 below zero:
 Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
 Wisconsinites get upset because they can’t start the Snow-mobile.

 40 below zero:
 ALL atomic motion stops.
 People in Wisconsin start saying…’Cold enough fer ya?’

 50 below zero:
 Hell freezes over.
 Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hours late

The Muppets Return!

I was with Addie yesterday.  We were watching the Disney channel and all of a sudden the Muppets appeared on the television.  It was so cool!  I loved the Muppet Show as a kid.  It seems that Disney has a new show for this generation starring the Muppets and the new, hot teen favorites (actors from Hannah Montana, Camp Rock, etc.)  The new show is called Studio DC Almost Live.  Yesterday’s episode featured an actress from Camp Rock, singing one of the songs from the movie.  The funny part was that the song is a duet (sung with this female singer, Demi Lavato, and Joe Jonas from the Jonas Brothers), and one of the Muppets had to sing Joe Jonas’s part.  They ended up having Beaker do the duet.  For those of you who don’t remember who Beaker is, he works with the scientist Dr. Honeydew, and only talks in high squeeks with the word “Meep.”  So his part of the song is done in “meep, meep, meep”  I have to say that I liked Beeker’s version much more than the real duet!.  Check out Beeker and the Muppets here: Muppets And here’s the Camp Rock version: Camp Rock Hope you enjoy all of this!  (and thanks to the blogger for correcting Beaker’s speech for me )

the eye glasses

I was talking to a friend (female, who wishes to remain nameless, but wants me to post this story, due to the humor in it ) of mine this afternoon and she told me this story, and I swear that it’s absolutely true!!  My friend got her eyes checked a couple of weeks ago, and the doctor decided that she needed a new prescription for her glasses.  Her insurance company allows for new frames with a new eye prescription.  So she went to look at the frames.  One of the frames she looked at she rejected after trying them on.  She said they looked like Popsicle sticks on her face! (This is nothing against Popsicles, in fact we all love Popsicles, especially the red ones, but I digress!)  So she kept trying different frames on until she found the one she wanted.  Well, her frames came in today and as she was trying them on, she saw the “Popsicle” frames again and after thinking for a moment, she began to laugh and she asked the technician if those were the same glasses that Sarah Palin wore.  The technician laughed and said that they actually were the same glasses.  He said that he got a call today for the first time asking if they carried the “Sarah Palin” glasses.  My friend was stunned that she almost got the Palin glasses, because she wouldn’t wear the glasses now.  She was mortified that she could have had the same taste as Gov. Palin (luckily the frames that she chose were very different, I hear.)  My friend asked how much the “Sarah Palin” glasses cost if you didn’t have insurance…. get this… $1000.  That would be one thousand dollars.  Of course Sarah Palin had the government insurance that probably paid for these glasses.  So if you like the Sarah Palin glasses, call your local eye glass shop, I hope you have insurance!!!

The “seven dirty words”

Growing up in Milwaukee, and having the pseudo Aunts and Uncles that I had (lawyers, politicians, professors, you know those educated kind of people who had stuffy day jobs, but really knew how to party on the weekends.  Just to clarify, nothing illegal ever happened.  My parents and their friends were great role models!  )  Growing up  knowing that George Carlin (who just died) was arrested at Summerfest in Milwaukee in the early 1970’s for “disturbing the peace” when he said the “seven dirty words that you can’t say on television.”  Now this infamous arrest was widely talked about in later years with quite amusement, but I have to say that I never really asked what the seven dirty words were.  Until today, when the news programs reminded me of Carlin’s arrest in Milwaukee and the “words.”  So I googled George Carlin, and “seven dirty words you can’t say on television.”  and wouldn’t you know that Wikipedia actually lists the words.  I’m not going to post them here, nor am I going to post a link, but I have just told you how to find the words.  I thought carefully about this and because I teach my Sunday School kids the 10 Commandments, and the kids decided years ago that the commandment that says “You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God” (NRSV) also means in today’s times that we should not swear.  I am not going to swear, so find the dirty words yourself, and George Carlin rest in peace and thanks for the laughs!